


Sniffle sniffle... cough cough.

by lilyrose14



Series: Lab notes [5]
Category: 00Q - Fandom, James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Eve to the rescue yet again., James isn't much better, M/M, Q is a challenging patient
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 00:31:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12200376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilyrose14/pseuds/lilyrose14
Summary: We can always count on Eve when the boys need help.





	Sniffle sniffle... cough cough.

From the official lab notebook of the MI6 Quartermaster:

Summary: Post mission medical scans need significant improvement. There must be a way to determine a viral infection from body scans and readings prior to a major symptomatic outbreak. Lost days at work that affect multiple people put the security of England at risk.

~~~

Eve heard her mobile ping and reached for it in her handbag, recognizing Q’s preset ring tone. She rolled her eyes as she tossed the baguette in her grocery bag. “You better not be bailing on me again Q,” she hummed as she touched the security button. She read the message and huffed in frustration, hitting the “call Q” button on her keypad. 

He didn’t pick up. 

She left him a voice message, “Q, are you actually really sick? Or are you and James just being antisocial again? I’m at the grocery right now buying food for this dinner you’ve rescheduled three times already. I’d really really like it if you actually met Halim before this relationship comes to the eventual end that all my relationships come to and I end up sleeping off a hangover on your couch after too many ciders at the pub.” 

Q didn’t call her back. 

She stood in the aisle at Tesco’s debating what was in her basket. Then she hit the “call Bond” button. James picked up on the second ring. She didn’t even wait for his hello. “Is Q really sick?” 

“Hello Eve.” James said, in a very snuffly voice. “Yes, Q is sick. We both are.” 

“Seriously?” she said, the surprise obvious in her voice.

“Yes, seriously. He’s kicked me out of the bedroom. He’s blaming me for bringing this virus back from China.” James answered, his head tipped back on the couch cushion, trying to relieve the sinus pressure, then sneezing when Ellie crept over to brush against him, cat hair settling in his nose, which set off a coughing attack. 

“Right,” Eve said with the sound of authority. “If you aren’t coming to dinner at my house, I’m bringing dinner to you. Will you let me in when I ring the bell or am I going to have to deactivate Q’s security system?”

“Eve, you don’t have to bring…”

“Shush, don’t be ridiculous. I’m not letting both of you suffer. I’ll be there in thirty minutes.” Then she hit disconnect and went to find chicken soup in the deli, grab extra boxes of tissues, various medicines and although she knew Q wouldn’t need it, as he had the most extensive collection of teas she had ever seen, she grabbed peppermint, chamomile and ginger teas to clear sinuses and settle tummies. 

Eve rang the bell and waited. Then felt her phone vibrate and grabbed it spotting a message from James. “It’s unlocked, come in.” 

“Boys?” Eve called out when she pushed the door open. “You should know better then to leave the door unlocked. I mean really, between the two of you…” then she stopped talking when she walked into the living room and spotted the mess. Blankets were scattered on the floor, tissues only marginally close to the waste bin James had at least brought from the bathroom. Benji was currently playing cat soccer with a number of balled up tissues that he had chased into the hallway, making Eve shoo him back into the living room. There were teacups all over the table, most half empty, and dirty dishes piled on top of each other on the island counter behind the couch. James was laid out flat on the couch, one bare foot on the arm rest, his elbow covering his face as he tried not to move his head, his phone in his other hand, hanging towards the floor. “James?” 

“Hello Eve,” James said, not raising his arm. “You really didn’t need to come.” 

Eve looked around again and raised her eyebrows, “well, I’d say from the look of things, I should have come several days ago. How long have you two been unwell, and how long have you been sleeping on the couch?”

James sighed, “he kicked me out last night.”

Eve chuckled, “so all of this…” she looked around the room again, about to say “mess”, but James lifted his elbow to glare at her before she said it, “… chaos,” she chose instead, “is from just today?” 

“Yes,” James said, then put his elbow back over his face. 

“And how is Q?” 

“A bastard when he is sick.” James answered making Eve laugh. 

“That wasn’t what I meant, but good to know.” She headed down the hall to check on him after dropping the bags on the kitchen island. 

“I wouldn’t go in there if I were you,” James called after her. 

Eve ignored him, knocking softly on the door and waiting for a reply. She knocked a little louder when she didn’t get one, then hesitated as she reached for the doorknob not sure if she should wake him if he was asleep. 

“Bugger off,” she heard rather loudly followed by a groan and a wheezy cough as soon as she opened the door. 

“Q?” Eve said quietly as she poked her head in the room where she found a very rumpled, very pathetic looking quartermaster sitting cross-legged on the bed propped up by pillows, his laptop open in front of him. Penelope curled up on the pillow beside him.

“Go away Moneypenny,” Q grumbled, then reached for a tissue to blow his nose before looking at her with the world’s largest frown. 

She pressed her lips into a firm line and shook her head. “Sorry, not much chance of that I’m afraid.” 

Q closed his eyes and flopped back onto his pillows with a groan, his over sized stretched out t-shirt sliding off his shoulder to show a very pale, very gaunt collar bone. Eve walked in feeling the wave of humidity hit her from vaporizer running besides the bed. “Jesus Q, it’s as humid as a rain forest in here.” 

“It hurts my lungs if the air is too dry.” Q moaned. 

Eve sighed and came to sit beside him on the bed, reaching over to feel his forehead. “Well, you aren’t running a fever.” 

“I know. It broke a few hours ago. But it keeps coming back.” 

“Is that why all the blankets are currently pushed all around you. You look like an over grown gangly bird sitting in a nest. I’m not touching all these tissues. At least James tries to throw them in the bin.” 

“I don’t care. I think I’m dying. I just want to be left alone,” he protested, ineffectively.

“Yes, that’s clear. I’m assuming that’s why you kicked James out. Which was cruel by the way, he’s as sick as you are and he’s sleeping on the couch.”

“He got me sick. And he snores like a freight train when he’s stuffed up.” 

“SO DO YOU!” James yelled from the living room. 

Q took a deep breath in exasperation and then started coughing when he stressed his lungs with too much air. 

Eve pulled him upright to breathe easier and reached for the glass of luke warm tea beside the bed. Q had a whole tea cart set up beside him, kettle, bottles of water, twelve types of tea, which only confirmed to Eve that she really hadn’t needed to bring any, and half a dozen mugs. “Well, I see you are well hydrated. When was the last time you ate something?” 

“I don’t know. I haven’t been hungry,” Q grumbled. “Nothing tastes good.” 

Eve stood up and put her hands on her hips. “You,” she pointed at him, “have to eat. You don’t have any extra padding to go without food and you look like hell.”

“Thanks Eve, not all of us can look as smashing as you do every day,” Q groaned, pushing her hands away as she reached up to cradle his face. “Stop it,” he pushed back from her. 

“Well given how snarky you are, apparently your throat isn’t too swollen, since you have no problem complaining.” She stood back and turned to head back towards the door. “I’m bringing you soup and you are going to eat it, but first I’m feeding your boyfriend because at least he’s not being an arse.” 

“Did you hear that Q?” James said with a dopey smile as he stood in the doorway watching the two of them. “I’m the nice one.” 

Q threw a pillow at the door in response, then broke into a barking cough at the exertion, doubling over, one hand on his sore stomach muscles, the other wrapped around his own shoulder as he coughed into his elbow. 

Eve frowned and shook her head, “Awe sweetie,” she picked up the pillow and set it back on the end of the bed. “I’ll be back as quick as I can.” 

Q just nodded meekly and waved her off to go help James. 

~~~

Eve found clean dishes and quickly warmed up salty chicken noodle soup for both of them, oyster crackers in a cup to go with it and flu medicine from the pharmacy on a napkin for each. She brought a tray into James who was sitting on the couch, his elbows on his thighs as he hung his head, exhausted and incredibly congested. When he looked up at her, his eyes were dark, and the three day growth of silver tinged whiskers made him look older. “Here,” she set the tray on the table just in front of him and sat down beside him on the couch. 

James reached for the medicine immediately spotting it on the tray. “Oh thank god you brought more drugs. We’ve been out for twenty four hours.” 

“James how long have you two been sick?” Eve reached up to put her hand on his forehead, then ran her hands down his cheeks as she looked at his eyes. 

“I was sniffly when I got back last week, but then four days ago this actually took hold. Of course I’d already been back in bed with Q for two days, so he got infected before I was even really symptomatic. He’s about two and a half days in at this point.”

“He got sick quick,” Eve frowned. “How many germs did you give him?”

James chuckled as he looked at her sideways, a little glint in his eye as he reached for the soup. “Well…” 

Eve laughed, “oh god, don’t tell me. I know what you two are like when you get back from a mission.” 

Q was leaning on the doorframe behind them, having smelled the soup and his stomach had growled. “There was significant saliva exchange,” he said, “had I only know what virus he was harboring… can I have some of that soup? I think I’m starving.” 

Eve jumped up from the couch, James turning quickly as well. “What are you doing out of bed?” 

“I could smell the soup.” Q said, his shoulders wracking with another cough. 

Eve hurried to help him, “Oh my sick boy, come sit by James. You can eat out here with him.” She helped him sit and then put the other tray in his lap. “This is better anyways. I don’t trust you to not spill it in the bed.” 

While the two of them sat side by side pathetically slurping soup, Eve collected all the various half drunk cups of tea and other dishes and filled the dishwasher, trying to quickly turn the sick ward into a place a healthy person could stand to spend any time in. She came back into the living room just in time to see James hand Q his bowl so Q could eat his noodles. “Really? This is how you got each other sick in the first place. Sharing…”

James snickered, “not like we haven’t already shared the virus Eve, and really I think it was when I stuck my tongue in his mouth that we probably really…”

“STOP!” Eve held her hand up. “I don’t need the description.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. 

When she opened them to look at both of them Q was holding up his bowl, looking like an orphan, “is there more?” he asked. 

“Yes, there is more. But if you haven’t eaten much lately you may want to take it a bit slowly. We don’t want to upset your stomach.” 

“Its noodles and chicken broth Eve,” Q protested, “its not like it’s greasy fish and chips.”

“God, that sounds good though doesn’t it?” James hummed, leaning back on the couch and putting his hand on his stomach. 

Q nodded and leaned back beside him as Eve took his bowl, leaning into James’ shoulder. “It really does.” 

Laughing, Eve filled Q’s bowl with more noodles. “Fine, fish and chips TOMORROW! If you both actually get cleaned up and start to look more human again.” 

“Minty peas,” Q hummed. 

James laughed and leaned over to kiss his sick boyfriend on the head, “those are posh peas. Minty peas are posh.” 

“Fine, then I want posh minty peas.” He took the bowl of soup from Eve and lifted it to his mouth to drink the broth directly. 

“Posh boys use a spoon,” Eve chastised him. 

“You didn’t bring it back when you refilled the bowl,” Q protested, a noodle hanging from his lip. He wiped his chin with the sleeve of his stretched out t-shirt. 

“Showers, for both of you,” she huffed as she handed Q a napkin.

James was already rebounding now that the cold medicine was kicking in. “Yes Q, let’s take a shower.” 

“NOT TOGETHER!” Eve blurted. 

“But we only have one shower,” James snickered. 

Q finished his second bowl and set it back on the table, leaning back to rest his head on the couch cushion, pinching his still very stuffy sinuses with his fingers. “I don’t think I can stand in the shower,” he protested. 

“A bath for you then,” Eve offered. “James, get up, go shower. I’ll run water for Q to take a bath.” She turned to go down the hall to start the faucet. “And where do you two keep clean sheets? That bed needs a fresh start as well.” 

“Eve, you don’t have to do that,” Q said, his voice barely carrying down the hall. 

James had already climbed off the couch, squeezing Q’s knee with his fingers as he stood up. His limbs still feeling heavy, James slowly marched down the hall after Eve, peeling off his t-shirt and pushing his pajama bottoms off his hips. 

“I know I don’t have to Q, but we’ll all feel better about this whole thing if you and James can climb back into a clean bed. JAMES!” she suddenly declared, “can you WAIT to take off your clothes until I’m OUT of the bathroom?” 

“Not like you haven’t seen it all before Moneypenny,” James laughed, but turned his back to her to block the most obvious view, waiting for her to leave before he turned on the shower taps. 

Q had managed to lever himself off the couch when he heard Eve rummaging through something in the bedroom and came through the door just as Eve was unfolding the glitter paint arse printed bottom sheet that James had saved after Q had painted himself for the Pride parade. 

“What is this?” Eve asked with a laugh. “It looks like glitter hearts.” 

Q sighed and flopped face down onto the bed. “It’s my arse,” he hummed into the nest of bedding. 

“What?” Eve looked at it more closely. 

“It’s my arse. Those are arse prints. The glitter paint from the Pride parade. Turns out the enzyme in semen makes the paint emulsify.”

“Just stop right there.” Eve closed her eyes and dropped the sheet on the floor. Then she remembered the bath water. “Come on, into the bath with you.” She reached for his hand and tugged him sideways, helping him to stand. The bathroom was steamy thanks to the bath and the shower, as James turned in the shower stall, his arse print appearing on the door. Eve ignored him best she could, positive he had just done that on purpose. “Q can you undress yourself or do you need me to help you?” she asked as she leaned over to turn off the tub faucets. 

“You didn’t offer to help me?” James poked his head out of the shower, his hair covered in shampoo bubbles. 

“You were already half undressed when you got in here,” Eve laughed. 

“I can do it myself,” Q nodded, ignoring the banter between Bond and Moneypenny. “Thanks for all of this,” he said quietly, tugging his shirt up over his head. 

Eve nodded and smiled warmly, standing to leave the two of them in the bathroom together. She watched Q drop his shirt on the floor, then turned away as he started to shimmy out of his bottoms, his thin hips coming into view. 

Q had immediately stolen a tender spot in Eve’s heart when she had first met him. The quiet, introverted, oh so thin young man who suddenly found himself thrust into leadership. They had bonded quickly, and seeing Q be vulnerable again like this reminded her of their first interactions, when he was still finding his confidence as the new quartermaster. Eve was protective of him, in a different way from the way she was protective of Bond. Most of the time they were like brother and sister, sharing secrets and stories over chips and cider at the pub. But occasionally Eve wanted to wrap her arm around him and pull him close, the way she imagined M would have, had she still been here. There was a mothering instinct that came out in Eve when Q was vulnerable. She sighed as she shut the door hearing him climb into the water, a groan of delight coming from his mouth making her smile. 

Clicking the door closed she quickly opened it again sticking her head back in one more time. “And both of you need to shave, or I’m doing it for you.” Then she clicked the door closed again with a laugh, determined to find clean sheets for the bed. 

~~~

An hour later she had Q tucked back into bed, and James had climbed in beside him. They both needed a good nights sleep and with enough cold medicine in their systems neither of them were snoring. Both men had offered thanks to her and insisted she go home but she set herself up in the living room intending to stay the night, knowing the medicine would wear off well before morning. 

The first time Eve woke up around midnight, the TV was still on, RuPaul’s drag race just finishing. She quietly slipped down the hallway to check on them, everything still very quiet from the bedroom. The light from the hallway just barely streaming in over the bed she smiled when she realized Q had found his way into the corner of James’ shoulder, their arms wrapped around one another. It made her heart warm to realize these two were so in love. No one could have predicted that James would have ever found peace with anyone, let alone with his lanky, mop haired boffin of a quartermaster. It was beyond comprehension how these two made it work, but somehow they did. 

She quietly closed the door and headed back to the kitchen to raid Q’s ice cream stash in the freezer. Blackberry gelato was the least of the payments she required for putting up with two overgrown babies that a virus had managed to completely incapacitate. 

The second time Eve woke up around 3:00 a.m., once again asleep on the couch, she heard the sound of coughing from Q and snoring from James. Heading back down to the bedroom, water and more cold medicine for both of them she woke them both up and then groggily, all three fell back to the bed once pills were swallowed. 

At 7:00 a.m. when Eve woke up for the third time, she felt heat radiating all over her from both sides and realized more hands than she considered appropriate were grabbing her in various places. She opened her eyes, having to take a minute to remember where she was, looking down in surprise to discover James Bond was wrapped half around her, his leg hooked over hers as an anchor. His nose was pressed warmly into the side of her neck. But even more disconcerting was discovering Q sprawled over the top of her, nestled in close, his cheek cushioned on one breast, his hand having come to rest curled around the other one. She actually started to laugh. Of all the people she expected might try to feel her up, Q had never made the list. The harder she laughed the more her body vibrated and eventually roused both men, James pulling back first as he opened his eyes. But Q, with his sleepy starts didn’t realize what was happening, his fingers curling tighter as he nestled in even closer. James sat up and snickered when he saw where Q had his hand. Eve looked back at him, and shook her head, reaching for Q’s fingers. 

“He’s always slow to wake up. Hazy starts, he calls them,” James laughed. “And I thought I was the only bisexual in this relationship.” 

The sound of James’ voice made Q open his eyes and then he abruptly sat up in the bed realizing something wasn’t right. Having gone to bed with wet hair, it lay flat on one side but spun wildly around the other side making him look more disheveled then normal. “Eve!” Q pulled his hands back like he had touched a hot stove. “I’m so sorry!” 

Both Eve and James laughed as she slowly sat up beside Q. “It’s okay,” she reached out to run her hands through Q’s hair. 

“How? When did you…? I didn’t realize…” Q wasn’t completing any sentences. 

“It’s okay.” Eve offered again, grabbing his face and pulling him close to kiss the top of his crazy hair, before finally scooting off the end of the bed. 

James had already climbed from the bed to give her space and now sat back down on the side, pulling Q towards him to kiss his forehead after Eve retreated. “I can’t blame you Q, I’ve always thought Eve was a gorgeous woman.” 

“Q?” Eve looked at him curiously, “Are you running a fever again?” She reached out to touch his forehead but he was cool. 

James laughed, “no, I believe he’s just blushing.” 

“Oh, bugger off,” Q heaved, climbing back under the duvet to cover his head. “I’m embarrassed. I’m sorry Eve,” Q offered, his voice muffled from beneath the down. “I didn’t mean to…” 

Eve smiled and winked at James. “How about I go make some tea and toast and we’ll see how you are both doing today?” 

“Black currant jam please,” Q said meekly, just peeking out from beneath the edge of the duvet. 

“Of course,” Eve smiled, pleased to see both James and Q seemed to be on the mend.

~~~

Two days later James headed down to Q branch to find his boyfriend. “Q?” he peeked his head into his office. “Did you get the text from Tanner?”

Q looked up from his computer, grabbing his mobile to check. He looked up with a frown. “Guess we better bring her soup.” 

James smiled and held up the bag from the deli. “Already picked it up.” 

Q sighed, “and let’s get her some gelato. She likes the blackberry kind.” 

~~~  
From Q’s personal notebook: Eve Moneypenny might be the best friend I’ve ever had. James will always be my heart, the most important person in my life, but Eve cares for me in ways I’ve never experienced. Her altruism and empathy make me swell with love and affection. I’m still absolutely mortified at what happened, but I don’t think any of us realized we had all fallen asleep in the bed together. She’s like my SISTER. Bugger, I blush every time I even think about it and now of course they both tease me about it. I’ve decided I’m going to bring her gelato every week for a year to make it up to her. But right now I’m on nurse detail since one of us, or really to be honest, likely both of us, managed to get her sick when she was taking care of us. James is on his way back with more medicine and tissues. I’ve also decided Eve needs a cat. She can’t seem to keep a boyfriend, so I’ve decided to get her a kitten. James is worried she’ll see it as a sign that we think she should be a cat lady and that maybe we should just get her a nice house plant instead. But one kitten doesn’t make someone a cat lady. I think that requires at least six. I’m thinking a calico, or maybe a little Burmese. But really, any cat from the shelter would be lucky to have Eve as their mom. It’s decided. As soon as Eve is well, I’m surprising her with a cat. This is going to be great!! What could possibly go wrong?

**Author's Note:**

> I've been under the weather and wish I had an Eve to bring me soup. Wrote this to make myself feel better, and now you all get to read it too.


End file.
